Even though I have astonishingly lost 80 lbs, I still don’t have the perception that I am ‘thin’. I look at my thighs, which I hate. I look at my tummy that isn’t completely flat. I look at my love handles, that might be smaller, but are still there. We tend to look at the negative. It isn’t until you are seen by the eyes of someone else, that you can appreciate how you look. And not a family member who constantly tells you how well you are doing – but by a stranger who doesn’t know you.
I went to Banana Republic’s Marimekko Preview Party on Wednesday. Clothes were flying off the racks and it was hard to find the size you needed. I was in line in the change room and as people were rejecting clothing, we were all scrambling to get our size. I told the attendant that I was looking for a 10. She said, “You don’t need a 10, an 8 should fit you”. I said I would try it, but being pear shaped, my hips sometimes interfere with the smaller sizes. I tried on that size 8 dress and it fit perfectly.
I then needed a t-shirt to go with a skirt. Another attendant came back with a small. A SMALL!!!! No, I need a medium, but I will try it anyway. I was shocked to find out the small was actually the perfect fit.
I left Banana Republic with some new clothing and a new appreciation for my self perception. These woman didn’t look at me and say, “She has big hips”, or “look at her thighs”. They looked at me and knew exactly the sizes I fit. So, I am going to not worry about my love handles and wear the clothing I want to wear without trying to mask them under looser shirts or cardigans. We all see the worse in ourselves, but it is time to start looking at our positives!
This week I stayed the same at the scales.